It all begins with two dimensions: KLING and KLANG
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WE LIVE IN KLING, A NORMAL WORLD; KLANG IS A PSYCHEDELIC HELLHOLE FROM WHICH POT INFUSED LSD JUNKIES EMERGE…
DUSSELDORF HAS NEVER SEEN CRAZIER!
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KLING: THE DIMENSION WE KNOW AND LOVE
The realest, normalest world the human race knows. Allow me to introduce you to the four titular Kraftwerkian inhabitants in this part of reality! (more pictures to be added soon)
~
RALF "RALFI" HÜTTER
* 5' 9.75"
* Bisexual and metrosexual
* Founding member
* Plays synths and hogs the vocals
* “Famous, rich, mean, bullying”
* Control freak who hates percussionists
* Pretentious snob with a love for gucci and luxury sludge
* Fab
* Smells like roses
* Face of Kraftwerk (a square one, I must add)
* Jawline is non-Euclidian and sometimes fails to load
* Eats 3,800 calories a day but stays skinny
* Rides bike non stop techno pop
* Thinks he is a robot and sometimes refers to himself as "Ralf Kraftwerk" to illustrate his devotion to his work
* Sues everyone
* Sued someone for using a 1 second sample from the song "Metal on Metal," and the lawsuit lasted for 20 years until it was discovered that he forgot he gave permission to the artist to use the song part
* Speaks every language
* Eyes go in two different directions when he experiences intense paroxysms of happiness
* Really thick and large hands
* Loves coffee and is an insomniac
* Flori's hubby *
Ralf's chic robo playlist
FLORIAN "FLORI" SCHNEIDER
* 5' 10.5"
* Bisexual
* Founding member
* Sound fetishist and plays synths creatively and is pretty avant-garde so to speak
* Also plays the calculator
* Autistic
* Likes expensive, loud cars, but he always crashes them and buys new ones since he's rich
* "Florian smiled at me impishly"
* Likes to doodle stupid things
* German sense of humor + potty humor
* Smells like saltwater
* Finds random eccentric people who end up contributing massively to Kraftwerk music conception
* Cries on planes
* Sailor moon lover and wants to be one of the cats from it
* Quiet and sensitive with intense social anxiety
* Has seizures, vocal arthiritis, and maybe sleep apnea
* Eyes go in different directions when he's overcome with sadness
* Half German, half French
* Dad had a bad feeling about him when he was born, so he slapped him in the face
* Had daddy issues and young Flori threatened with euthanasia for his learning difficulties
* One time he felt unappreciated and wanted to see a show "from the audience's perspective" instead of playing muzik with his besties so he went in the crowd and had to be convinced into performing
* Loves Indian culture, Indian food, and Indian girls
* Wears pj pants and crocs sometimes
* Wants to save the fish
* Disposed of his flute once he discovered its malignant influence on his psyche
* No thoughts, head empty
* Daddy issues and his backstory is like Doofenshmirtz's
* Ralfi's hubby and cannot live without him
* Rest in power IRL Flori! *
Floricore Song Collection
KARL "KARLOS" BARTOS
* 5' 9"
* Bisexual
* Plays synth, stylophone, percussion, and did one time vocals
* A musical genius who practically invented pop music
* Naive man-kitten
* Looks like Spock from Star Trek
* Loves music!
* Coffee shop + pink filter vibes
* Likes makeup
* Half German, half Austrian
* Used to be called Karl-Heinz, though his name was chopped in two by Ralf due to it being too expensive for the neon name sign
* Youngest of the Kraftwerkers
* Unaware of some of the sins of his brethren
* Camera lover (cameras can immobilize Klangers, though Karl is unaware of this)
* Thinks Esperanto is a cool language
* Jack of All Trades
* Wields a coke can as a weapon and whips out a stylophone when things get rough
* Heals himself through eating dirt
* Converse Chuck Taylor All Star power!
* Flourishing music career post-Kraftwerk
* Likes buildings shaped like iron crystals magnified billions of times (Atonium)
* Loves 1920s German expressionist films like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, which are phenomenal!
* Wolfgang is his greatest fear *
Kool Karl Kollection
WOLFGANG "WOLFIE" FLÜR
* One cm under 5' 8"
* Bisexual, but with a feminine preference and pretends to be straight
* Only does drumming
* Half German, half Austrian
* Has a twin brother named Winfried and another brother who isn't a twin but looks exactly like him anyways
* Unhinged sex lover with 4 Large Ls: Life, Laughter, Love, and LUST
* Smells like a burning vanilla plant
* Cartoony imbecile with a creepy voice and the diction of a looney tune
* Loves chloroform and finds it very useful
* RALF HATES HIM AND THREATENED TO NEUTER HIM
* Platform shoes worn for so long they fused with his (large) feet
* Abuses Karl… but they're still friends...
* Karl still has nightmares about him to this day
* Wrote a crazy book that I crazily read
* Probably raised by a succubus
* Astrology girl
* Spews pure unadulterated poppycock and transforms his incoherent ramblings and noises into downtempo and erotica music *
Wolfie theme songs... (go to 24:00-27:38 on the last video to witness insanity)
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KLANG: THE DIMENSION OF CHAOS
Un-normal and super stoned place where literal demons come from. Alternate versions of Kraftwerkers prowl here, so you can assume that everything else listed in the Klingers' descriptions also applies to the Klangers in most cases. Meet the freaks!
***
WEED RALF (AKA LSD RALF)
* Alternate universe Ralf!!!
* Loves drugs!
* Murderer (not irl)!
* Wears super tight black pants deemed by Wolfgang to be "legendary"
* Has freckles on his chest
* Daddy issues because his eyes go in different directions and his papa is an optometrist
* His parents chased him with knives after witnessing his drugged degeneration
* Dabbled into modelling, nursing, and architecturing
* Wants to be a girl!!!
* Wears padded bras
* Wolfie thought he was hawt
* Weed Flori’s hubby... they met in an Indian improvisation class in music school~ *
Weed Ralf's Sick Psychadelic Beats (Turn on subtitles and auto-translate in the video's settings for the interview)
WEED FLORIAN
* Lacks consciousness
* Communicates with flute
* Sound wizard
* Cannot be without Ralf
* Cannot read or count, and possesses a very limited vocabulary (usually doesn’t speak)
* Social anxiety and autism
* Owns an ear piercing studio
* Works in a supermarket as a food sample display person
* Can transform into a cat from sailor moon, even though the show didn't exist yet
* Almost got electrocuted by the demonic pair you will read about soon
* Weed Ralf's beloved hubby *
WEED FLORI NO BRAINS' LAND SONGS (flute in the background of last song is him yes he's wearing a shirt with his face on it don't ask any questions just watch)
KARL-HEINZ BARTOS
* Long hair
* Loves music!
* Top student at his music school and was discovered through Flori's connection with his headmaster
* Takes LSD given to him by Bodo Staiger so that he doesn't need to go to war (clever[?] move!)
* Used to live in someone's attic since he was a poor student
* Works in a coffee shop
* Flur’s bi awakening
* His daddy broke his guitar all Coco-style, but that did not deter Karl!
* Pony rider from a mountain village *
The Musings of a Young Musician (couldn't find a song of his from the era so I found one that fit)
WOLFGANG WITH A MUSTACHE
* Quite horny
* Heavy smoker
* Came from a poor family and was born in Frankfurt am Main
* Poor relationship with Weed Ralf und Weed Florian because they wanted him to play a broken children’s drum set
* Anxiety and stage fright…
* Loves English rock music (maybe a little too much…)
* Cabinet maker and loves banging on metal sheets and making things
* Wears platform shoes sprayed with green metallic car paint
* Might actually not be high, though smoking habits qualify him as Klangcore
* Likes effeminate men *
Mustache Wolfie's Beatnik Beats
KLAUS DINGER (AKA KRAUTROCK JESUS) UND MICHAEL ROTHER: THE PSYCH WARD ENTITIES OF PURE UNADULTERATED POPPYCOCK!!1!!
* KLAUS DINGER 6' 2" AND MICHAEL ROTHER 5' 9"
* KLAUS DINGER ON DRUMS AND HE DRUMS SO HARD HIS GLASSES FLY OFF!!!
* MICHAEL ROTHER ON GUITAR
* DEMONIC OVERLORDS OF KLANG DIMENSION
* KLAUS WEARS TINTED BLACK GLASSES SINCE HIS EYES BURN THROUGH HIS ENEMIES
* MICHAEL HAS NO CLUE WHERE THE FUCK HE IS
* THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE AND DO ONE (OR BOTH) OF THE FOLLOWING: BRING VICTIMS TO THE PSYCH WARD FOR ELECTROCUTION AND DRUGGING (WHICH THEY LOVE TO DO) AND/OR INVITING THEM TO THEIR BAND
* THE TWO OF THEM HELD A CONCERT IN A LITERAL PSYCH WARD
* KLAUS INVITED TO KRAFTWERK VIA A POSTCARD CHILDISHLY DOODLED BY FLORIAN
* RIP REAL KLAUS DINGER!!! *
CHAOS LORDS UNITE PLAYLIST
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SCHALLPLATTEN: THE IN-BETWEEN REALM
Its population consists of a single sole inhabitant...
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EMIL SCHULT
* 5' 9"
* Straight
* Paint lover
* "Did you know that if you actually cut his arm, paint will come out?" -My Sissy
* Kraftwerk’s mother/caretaker
* Writes crazy good lyrics
* Goes wherever Kraftwerk does
* Possesses the key to alternate dimensions, which is jumping through his paintings or special TVs
* Paints TVs to prevent access to Klang when the Klangers get too rowdy
* Moved to the Bahamas to avoid the dramas (kraftwerkers liked smearing his paintings and ruining them)
* I spotted him in Ohio *
Emil's Paint-Lover Playlist (he says "I hope you have been blessed by this program" in "TV," which features Karl and his bestie Lothar!)(he wrote the lyrics to the last song there's an english version called fan fan fanatic check it out)
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WARNING!
The following page leads to pure unadulterated tomfoolery. Various links will be provided to different stories oozing with mischief and misbehavior. You have been warned!
TO THE KRAFT-TERMINAL! AWAY!
Floricore Song Collection
Weed Ralf's Sick Psychadelic Beats (Turn on subtitles and auto-translate in the video's settings for the interview)
WEED FLORIAN
* Lacks consciousness
* Communicates with flute
* Sound wizard
* Cannot be without Ralf
* Cannot read or count, and possesses a very limited vocabulary (usually doesn’t speak)
* Social anxiety and autism
* Owns an ear piercing studio
* Works in a supermarket as a food sample display person
* Can transform into a cat from sailor moon, even though the show didn't exist yet
* Almost got electrocuted by the demonic pair you will read about soon
* Weed Ralf's beloved hubby *
WEED FLORI NO BRAINS' LAND SONGS (flute in the background of last song is him yes he's wearing a shirt with his face on it don't ask any questions just watch)
KARL-HEINZ BARTOS
* Long hair
* Loves music!
* Top student at his music school and was discovered through Flori's connection with his headmaster
* Takes LSD given to him by Bodo Staiger so that he doesn't need to go to war (clever[?] move!)
* Used to live in someone's attic since he was a poor student
* Works in a coffee shop
* Flur’s bi awakening
* His daddy broke his guitar all Coco-style, but that did not deter Karl!
* Pony rider from a mountain village *
The Musings of a Young Musician (couldn't find a song of his from the era so I found one that fit)
WOLFGANG WITH A MUSTACHE
* Quite horny
* Heavy smoker
* Came from a poor family and was born in Frankfurt am Main
* Poor relationship with Weed Ralf und Weed Florian because they wanted him to play a broken children’s drum set
* Anxiety and stage fright…
* Loves English rock music (maybe a little too much…)
* Cabinet maker and loves banging on metal sheets and making things
* Wears platform shoes sprayed with green metallic car paint
* Might actually not be high, though smoking habits qualify him as Klangcore
* Likes effeminate men *
Mustache Wolfie's Beatnik Beats
KLAUS DINGER (AKA KRAUTROCK JESUS) UND MICHAEL ROTHER: THE PSYCH WARD ENTITIES OF PURE UNADULTERATED POPPYCOCK!!1!!
* KLAUS DINGER 6' 2" AND MICHAEL ROTHER 5' 9"
* KLAUS DINGER ON DRUMS AND HE DRUMS SO HARD HIS GLASSES FLY OFF!!!
* MICHAEL ROTHER ON GUITAR
* DEMONIC OVERLORDS OF KLANG DIMENSION
* KLAUS WEARS TINTED BLACK GLASSES SINCE HIS EYES BURN THROUGH HIS ENEMIES
* MICHAEL HAS NO CLUE WHERE THE FUCK HE IS
* THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE AND DO ONE (OR BOTH) OF THE FOLLOWING: BRING VICTIMS TO THE PSYCH WARD FOR ELECTROCUTION AND DRUGGING (WHICH THEY LOVE TO DO) AND/OR INVITING THEM TO THEIR BAND
* THE TWO OF THEM HELD A CONCERT IN A LITERAL PSYCH WARD
* KLAUS INVITED TO KRAFTWERK VIA A POSTCARD CHILDISHLY DOODLED BY FLORIAN
* RIP REAL KLAUS DINGER!!! *
CHAOS LORDS UNITE PLAYLIST
-------------------------------------------------------
SCHALLPLATTEN: THE IN-BETWEEN REALM
Its population consists of a single sole inhabitant...
%%%
EMIL SCHULT
* 5' 9"
* Straight
* Paint lover
* "Did you know that if you actually cut his arm, paint will come out?" -My Sissy
* Kraftwerk’s mother/caretaker
* Writes crazy good lyrics
* Goes wherever Kraftwerk does
* Possesses the key to alternate dimensions, which is jumping through his paintings or special TVs
* Paints TVs to prevent access to Klang when the Klangers get too rowdy
* Moved to the Bahamas to avoid the dramas (kraftwerkers liked smearing his paintings and ruining them)
* I spotted him in Ohio *
Emil's Paint-Lover Playlist (he says "I hope you have been blessed by this program" in "TV," which features Karl and his bestie Lothar!)(he wrote the lyrics to the last song there's an english version called fan fan fanatic check it out)
-------------------------------------------------------
WARNING!
The following page leads to pure unadulterated tomfoolery. Various links will be provided to different stories oozing with mischief and misbehavior. You have been warned!
TO THE KRAFT-TERMINAL! AWAY!
The Musings of a Young Musician (couldn't find a song of his from the era so I found one that fit)
WOLFGANG WITH A MUSTACHE
* Quite horny
* Heavy smoker
* Came from a poor family and was born in Frankfurt am Main
* Poor relationship with Weed Ralf und Weed Florian because they wanted him to play a broken children’s drum set
* Anxiety and stage fright…
* Loves English rock music (maybe a little too much…)
* Cabinet maker and loves banging on metal sheets and making things
* Wears platform shoes sprayed with green metallic car paint
* Might actually not be high, though smoking habits qualify him as Klangcore
* Likes effeminate men *
Mustache Wolfie's Beatnik Beats
KLAUS DINGER (AKA KRAUTROCK JESUS) UND MICHAEL ROTHER: THE PSYCH WARD ENTITIES OF PURE UNADULTERATED POPPYCOCK!!1!!
* KLAUS DINGER 6' 2" AND MICHAEL ROTHER 5' 9"
* KLAUS DINGER ON DRUMS AND HE DRUMS SO HARD HIS GLASSES FLY OFF!!!
* MICHAEL ROTHER ON GUITAR
* DEMONIC OVERLORDS OF KLANG DIMENSION
* KLAUS WEARS TINTED BLACK GLASSES SINCE HIS EYES BURN THROUGH HIS ENEMIES
* MICHAEL HAS NO CLUE WHERE THE FUCK HE IS
* THEY KIDNAP PEOPLE AND DO ONE (OR BOTH) OF THE FOLLOWING: BRING VICTIMS TO THE PSYCH WARD FOR ELECTROCUTION AND DRUGGING (WHICH THEY LOVE TO DO) AND/OR INVITING THEM TO THEIR BAND
* THE TWO OF THEM HELD A CONCERT IN A LITERAL PSYCH WARD
* KLAUS INVITED TO KRAFTWERK VIA A POSTCARD CHILDISHLY DOODLED BY FLORIAN
* RIP REAL KLAUS DINGER!!! *
CHAOS LORDS UNITE PLAYLIST
-------------------------------------------------------
SCHALLPLATTEN: THE IN-BETWEEN REALM
Its population consists of a single sole inhabitant...
%%%
EMIL SCHULT
* 5' 9"
* Straight
* Paint lover
* "Did you know that if you actually cut his arm, paint will come out?" -My Sissy
* Kraftwerk’s mother/caretaker
* Writes crazy good lyrics
* Goes wherever Kraftwerk does
* Possesses the key to alternate dimensions, which is jumping through his paintings or special TVs
* Paints TVs to prevent access to Klang when the Klangers get too rowdy
* Moved to the Bahamas to avoid the dramas (kraftwerkers liked smearing his paintings and ruining them)
* I spotted him in Ohio *
Emil's Paint-Lover Playlist (he says "I hope you have been blessed by this program" in "TV," which features Karl and his bestie Lothar!)(he wrote the lyrics to the last song there's an english version called fan fan fanatic check it out)
-------------------------------------------------------
WARNING!
The following page leads to pure unadulterated tomfoolery. Various links will be provided to different stories oozing with mischief and misbehavior. You have been warned!
TO THE KRAFT-TERMINAL! AWAY!
CHAOS LORDS UNITE PLAYLIST
-------------------------------------------------------
SCHALLPLATTEN: THE IN-BETWEEN REALM
Its population consists of a single sole inhabitant...
%%%
EMIL SCHULT